


I guess we never really moved on...

by thinlines



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: ? - Freeform, Angst, Breakup, FUCK, M/M, Oh My God, Other, Tragedy, i wrote this instead of studying for my test, reunite, they love each other but they don't, what is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-07-10 08:10:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6974935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thinlines/pseuds/thinlines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You told me I was a god.”</p><p>“You were…. You were my little god.” Louis dropped his burnt out cigarette on the ground and stomped on it, crushing it with his shoes.</p><p>“Damn it Harry! I’m not a god. Just a spoiled bastard that wants too much.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	I guess we never really moved on...

**Author's Note:**

> so... yeah... hope you like this.

Of all places, Harry had to bump into his ex in the dingy library bathroom. He was working part time as a janitor for the college to pay for his education. His mom had forgotten to mail the year’s spending, but Harry was pretty sure she had completely wiped his existence from her mind. It couldn’t be avoided, what with all the bottles she was downing. Enough background info. Harry was sure that Louis didn’t go to his college. He had double checked the application list and anyways, Louis would never think to apply for such a “below average” school. What’s worse was that Harry slammed bodily into Louis and spilt half of the black dirty sewer smelling water on his black jeans.

“I’m so sorry!” Harry half screamed as the automatic lights above them flickered on and off. This school really sucked. His eyes bulged when he took in the familiar face that was wincing in pain in front of him. Louis looked a little disgruntled and Harry couldn’t blame him since he was sure he had literally jabbed the mop handle into Louis’ ribs. Harry cursed himself for always turning the volume of his ipod up too loud when he was cleaning.

“No worries.” Louis, being the guy that he was, said good naturedly. Harry hated that about him.

He bent down to pick up the fallen bucket and held it out to Harry. Their eyes met and Harry watched as Louis did a double take. In the poor light, Harry could see glitter on Louis’ face and his lips were swollen red. The faint smell of beer was distinguishable even though the stench from the mop water was overwhelming.

“Oh. It’s you.” Louis’ voice got an inch deeper and the cold rasp of it made Harry shiver.

“Hi.” Harry couldn’t think. He wished he could just sink into Hades right now. Anywhere but here. Anywhere but where Louis was inches from him. He realized with a dreaded pang that he was wearing his ugly work uniform and that his curls were tied up in a haphazard ponytail that looked more like a handful of wilted seaweed.

“I didn’t know you studied here.” Harry said into the silence that had followed suit. Louis was drilling in his skull and he was doing his upmost best to avoid those blue eyes that he hadn’t seen in three years.

“I don’t.” Water was dripping onto the floor from Louis’ pant legs. Harry felt waves of guilt bodily slamming against his conscience.  
“I have some clean clothes.” He offered. Louis squinted suspiciously at him.

“It would only be a moment. They are in my locker in the janitor’s quarters. I can… go get them…” He trailed off.

Louis seemed to be struggling, but at last he nodded. They walked to the elevators in silence.

Harry could finally take in Louis’ whole appearance. He looked so different and so good that Harry had to fake cough to hide the fact that he was staring. Louis ignored him and began playing with his phone.

They finally arrived at the janitor’s locker room and Harry rifled through his clothes for something small that will fit Louis’ tiny frame. Louis had lost some weight, looking a little like a gaunt skeleton in the dim light.

“Can you smoke in here?” Harry spun round just as Louis flicked open his lighter. It was against the rule to smoke but Harry couldn’t stop himself from staring at the way Louis’ cheeks hollowed around the deadly burning vice of men.

“No, you can’t smoke here.” Harry replied helplessly as Louis dragged. With a flick of his chin, Louis dismissed his comment and gestured for him to hurry the hell up.

He handed his “I heart NY” t shirt and some rather tacky basketball shorts to Louis. It was the smallest one he had.

“Now, you’re really mocking me.” Louis said and started to strip. Right. There. In. Front. Of. Harry.

He was frozen, petrified and fascinated. Torn between lust and hating himself for not turning away. This boy…

He looked like a god. As he always did. With his disheveled fringe and his marble white torso. Harry frowned a little when he realized that Louis’ ribs were showing. He seemed wrecked. Smaller and less tanned than the Louis he knew. But still… just as beautiful.

“How is she?” Harry had to take a few minutes to register the question and for his brain to slowly click.

“She’s… I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to her… since we… since you and I…”

“I’m seeing someone.” Louis interrupted him.

Harry’s head jerked up.

Louis looked like he was swimming in Harry’s clothes. It both endeared and depressed him.

“Oh.” Was the only reply he could muster. What did he expect? That Louis would just waltz back into his life and they could be together again. What a joke. Harry almost laughed out loud at himself.

“It took me years to realize that I don’t love you.” Harry stared at the boy in front of him. The boy that he used to hold tight at night. And wake up to in the fresh early morning sunlight.

“I know.” Harry said. Somehow it was the truth. Harry had always felt this way, that Louis wasn’t infatuated with him as he was with Louis. It was what it was. Harry had tried his best to push down these feelings of ominous foreboding, but they had catch up with both of them.

“I used you.” Louis confessed.

“Stop.”

“I used you so I could feel alive. You were the light and I was in the darkness. I still am. But the time I spent with you, I did feel something. Sometimes I see the light except I’m always underwater so the light is disoriented. But still… it was better than pitch black.”

“Louis…” Harry was splitting apart from the seam. Those words felt like a million needles yet somehow they felt like salvation. Salvation from his self-blame and long harvested guilt.

“You told me I was a god.”

“You were…. You were my little god.” Louis dropped his burnt out cigarette on the ground and stomped on it, crushing it with his shoes.

“Damn it Harry! I’m not a god. Just a spoiled bastard that wants too much.”

“I guess… I needed you too.” Harry smiled sadly as Louis sank down to his knees on the ground. He crouched down too. They were inches apart, yet miles away. They were here but they weren’t here.

“We never really moved on.” Harry told Louis and reaching out, he enveloped him into his arms. It was an icy embrace that didn’t emanate any traces of warmth. Louis was sniffing softly.

“Give me light, Harry. I need to see.”

“I can’t... save you from yourself, Louis.” Harry said into Louis’ hair and this was the undeniable truth. He felt tears pricked his eyes but he stayed strong and didn’t let them spill.

Suddenly, Louis struggled out of Harry’s grip. He shot to his feet and with trembling hands, lit another cigarette.

“This is a dream.” Harry heard Louis whisper to himself.

“I wish it was.” Harry replied. Louis seemed like he had snapped himself out of a trance. He tottered like a drunk towards the door. Harry made no move to stop him.

Before he turned the handle, Louis turned back.

“You were right. I guess we never really moved on…” The blue eyes were screaming in pain and Harry felt tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Thanks for the clothes. I can’t give them back. I don’t want to see your face again.”

The door slammed and Harry was left in the chilly room.

But something was filling his heart. Was it relief? His hands were regaining their warmth. Maybe it was something like hope.

Harry smiled.


End file.
